I’m a spanking new middle school principal, 34 years old, and even though I served for three years as vice principal in the same school under the mentorship of Callie, I’m not sure I’m ready to take charge. Imposter Syndrome! My first task: hiring a vice principal to fill the position I left vacant.

Callie emphasized the importance of running a fair, inclusive, confidential process. So I assemble a Committee of the Willing, and now, each member’s holding a stack of resumes, cover letters, and a list of 10 questions. After each interview, we’ll rank the candidate on a scale from one to ten, and we’ll share our scores after everyone’s written down their scores… that way you don’t end up with someone like Buster swaying the others. Buster’s a history teacher who looks like Gaston from Beauty and the Beast. He was an influencer before that was even a thing.

Anyway, the first three candidates aren’t memorable. Then Larry walks in the room. He’s wearing a clean white shirt, his brown hair’s neatly-combed, his black shoes freshly-shined. And, Larry’s sweating– not just a little. Understandable, it’s 95 degrees outside. Not to worry, I keep the office frigid for interviews, and I provide a complimentary bottle of water. I encourage Larry to take his coat and relax. I tell him we’re really cool people. Everyone wants to be friends with us!

He gives up a smile, but his sweating won’t let up. So I launch in. What else could I do? “Why don’t you tell us why you want to be a vice principal at Blackburn Middle School.”

 “Well, for the past five years I served as “dean of students” at a high school. I’m ready for a change. I like goofy middle school kids. And I want to focus on student learning—instead of discipline.” Not bad. Problem is, Larry’s now using both hands to channel the sweat around his eyes. Before long, the front of his shirt is soaked all the way through. He should have worn a t-shirt. I can see his nipples. And I don’t want to see his nipples.

Larry talks about his experience as a math teacher and debate coach. He says all the right things, but his sweat is relentless. I sneak glances at the committee members. Expressions range from mesmerized to horrified. Buster’s barely suppressing a giggle. Damn it! Callie never coached me on this one. I’ve got to figure this out. I’m the principal for God’s sake!

When Paul, a science teacher with dirt under his fingernails, asks the next question, I ease out of my seat, and root around Callie’s—now my- desk and come up with a pile of blue party napkins. I offer them to Larry. “Thanks a lot,” he whispers. “I’m really nervous.” No shit, Sherlock!

I have no idea how Larry responds to the next questions– because I stopped listening. I couldn’t help it. We’re all staring, mouths agape, while Larry blots up the salty streams on his face. But while the napkins solve one problem, they create another. The dye in the cheap napkins bleed blue all over Larry’s face… He’s become a giant smurf left out in the rain.

Now I’m supposed to be a bold decisive leader, so why am I sweating? Why’s it feel like I’m in the hot seat? The interview comes to a merciful close. I thank Larry for his time, shake his soggy hand, remind him to take his coat. But I can’t bring myself to tell him about his… blue complexion. Where does my responsibility as a principal start and end?

When the door closes, the interview team erupts in uncontrollable laughter. I channel my inner Callie and direct them, for the sake of fairness, to honor the process. Buster gives Larry a oneand offers to purchase lifeboats if we hire him. Paul posts a seven and says: “We can’t nix a guy because of a… condition.” Jade, the spiky-haired union leader gives a five and once again, demands we hire “one of our own.” We take a moment, compose ourselves, and continue with the interviews.

Callie warned me the process must remain confidential, but it’s been 30 years since the interviews. I figure the statute of limitations expired… We hired a… solid school leader. And no, it was not Larry…And all these years later, I’m left wondering if our biases got in the way of hiring someone who could have been a great vice principal. How many others did we not hire in our “fair and inclusive process” because they looked or sounded different that those sitting around a table, holding the interview questions… and all the power.